Freakouts and The Best, revisited

So. We met with our reception site florist in Murrieta to select our flowers for the reception that were supposed to be part of the package. Unfortunately, the centerpieces that come with the package are only covered up to a $25 value. Huh. Do you know what you get for $25? A square tub with a handful of roses. For a table that seats ten. That wouldn't do at all. In addition, the owner of the store was out sick, but didn't call to reschedule the appointment so we dealt with one of their designers instead. He was nice, but didn't know how much things cost and didn't really help us with alternate flower types when we realized we couldn't afford what I wanted. What did I want?

Green cymbidium orchids
Green hydrangeas
Green and white peonies
Green Ranunculus
Green lisianthus
Purple calla lillies
Seeded eucalyptus
Hypericum berries

and apparently, in a pave style.

But what did I get for $79 per arrangement?
Bells of Ireland
two types of roses
Green spiders
Green button poms
White stock
Fuschia stock
Hanging amaranthus
Leatherleaf

in an airy style so more greenery will be used.

Hmm. Seems like a bunch of filler greens, don't it? Oh well.. it's not like we're going to be bringing them home and taking them to bed with us. Expensive taste with a small pocketbook. That's me.

So in my quest for what kind of flowers/arrangement we liked so we could show the florist, I conveniently kept my eye out for I wanted for our personal flowers. We can't have fillers for that. So I wondered what my cheaper alternatives would be, since a bridal bouquet with white roses, green cymbidium orchids, and "other green/white flowers" would come out to $230 (!). I refused to give up the orchids. I was hell bent on paying up to $20 per green cymbidium boutonniere for the groomsmen. I wanted The Best, as discussed in this previous post. Good Enough just wasn't going to make the cut this time. The boring all-roses bouquet that the rest of the world's brides want for its simplicity and classic elegance just wasn't unique enough for me (despite that I love roses and would have wanted an all-roses bouquet if you asked me a month ago, particularly because it was classic and elegant). My head swirled of tart green cymbidium orchids, expressive white phalaenopsis orchids, lush and romantic peonies and ranunculus, and hydrangeas as fillers. HYDRANGEAS AS FILLERS! (yes, I have a budget of $10,000 for flowers, sure.)

Rick, on the other hand, when presented with a minimum quote of $500 for our personal flowers (with mostly white roses when I wanted green cymbidiums), said:

"We can just get fake flowers. At least for the guys. I mean, we're just going to take off our jackets anyways. And they won't care if it's real or fake."

Then when I told him that our reception site coordinator no longer works there and there's a new hire who responded to my email, he went ballistic.

"OH SH*T!!! WHY?!!!?!?!?!?!!!!"

"I dunno. Maybe she got a better job or something. Why are you freaking out?"

"Because it's just our luck. Now this new girl's going to F everything up."

"?? What do you mean? We have everything written in the contract. Everything."

"Yeah, but she doesn't know that. She's going to get everything wrong since she's new and hasn't worked with us and has to learn all the rules over there."

"Ohhhkkayyyy.... well.. we still have two more meetings with them over there when we'll discuss details. They do weddings all the time and have a manual. And it's not like we're getting married this weekend and she's still learning. She'll be settled in when it's our turn, I'm sure. And maybe she came from another Wedgewood company, there are like 8 locations around here. Oh, and I'm sending out the second payment tomorrow."

"See?!!! And she doesn't even know how much we owe and when we owe it!!! OMG!!"

...

For a while there, I almost laughed out loud. In his freakout, I saw myself and the irrational, totally inconsolable behavior of which I have also been guilty. And then when he said:

"The reception is more important than the ceremony. It's where we're going to spend the rest of the evening with everyone!"

I thought, this is it. We need to re-prioritize. We need to take out our Engaged Encounter booklets and re-read WHY we are getting married in the first place. We need to look each other in the eyes and remember that we are supposed to become the Sacrament of Marriage and demonstrate qualities of a healthy and supportive couple. Making drama about a new coordinator and feeling like a hapless, pathetic little child who doesn't get the flowers she wants hardly demonstrates good, rational character.

So tonight, we will talk. And from this day forward, I will not get drawn into the hoopla about the wedding or demand that we spend more than we should. I will listen to the underlying message when he freaks out and says, "Let's just use fake flowers" and not call him cheap and other impolite names, but compromise on a practical and cost-effective solution. After all, isn't event planning for 170 people so far the ultimate test of our relationship and our communication?

Confessions of a Moocher

Another month goes by, and finally another post. I've been sick for about 4 weeks with this super stubborn cough and I'm getting really tired of it. And being tired and frustrated just makes me have a little less patience and a shorter fuse than usual with all other aspects of life. Not good. So I WILL get better. When? Soon. I hope.

This past weekend as I was doing some more wedding research, it came to my attention that I'm a moocher. I take advantage of everyone else's info, blog postings, forum Q & A's, and pictures of weddings. All of which help me with my own plans. And I don't give back to the online community with my own info, helpful advice, things I've come across in the process, lessons learned in certain shops, DIY things and how to do them, etc etc etc. How inconsiderate of me. So one of my New Year's resolution is to be more vigilant in posting, and posting useful and pertinent info, not just ramblings of my active mind. Part of me is hesitant because of online privacy issues; I found other people's blogs only because they posted names and venues that I searched for. But perhaps I will be more open to posting and posting pictures once we've gotten married and the day is over and I won't have to worry about any hiccups that are the result of any internet stalkers or misbehavings. After all, the internet IS an archive.

So. I finally got Rick to sit down with me, synchronize our calendars, and we called (mostly he called and I sweated anxiously) our vendors, including: the church coordinator, the florist (for reception flowers), the bakery, and Friar Tux. It was such a relief to get those calls out, leave messages or make appts. *whew* I'm NOT that far behind! And perhaps even a bit too soon for some vendors. I mean, sure, 3 months is usually a good "first consultation" time, but I suppose there isn't a rush because these people will be doing quite a few handfuls of weddings before ours.

I suppose what I can share is what I did this past week. I drafted and sent out to select guests little maps with "what to do between the ceremony and reception" ideas. Rick helped by xeroxing 50 copies double sided and buying stamps. :) I used Wedding Mapper to help draft the maps, and from their sample of "upgraded" mapper, created my own personal map in a Word document, using Google Maps as a template and drawing the freeways and locations of pertinent sites. I'm hoping some people will stay at our hotel with us and have breakfast with us the morning after the wedding. :)

Also during the winter break we got the bridesmaid dresses ordered!!! We ditched the Alfred Angelo store in San Gabriel and met up with the sweetest, friendliest salesgirls at the Alfred Angelo store in West Covina. The type of girls who don't push you to buy today, actually talk with you and help you find a dress for your shape, and spend a lot of time getting to know you like it's social-hour-watercooler-time regardless of whether or not you're going to buy something that day. My bridesmaids (minus one) and my FMOL all tried dresses for hours, chatting, playing, making jokes, and finally put in their orders before leaving the store, happy, unrushed, and content. What a good day that was.

Coming up:
Wednesday, Jan 14: My birthday! Going to Disneyland!
Thursday, Jan 15: day off to work on wedding stuff. :)
Friday, Jan 16: meet with our florist in Murietta. Where? Murrieta. Where TF is that?! south of Lake Elsinore. EEEESH! It's 90 miles from us. But hopefully will be worth the trip, and our one and only trip out there.
Saturday, Jan 17: rest. rest. rest.
Sunday, Jan 18: flea market with the grandparents (maybe).
Monday, Jan 19: MLK holiday!!!

To be followed by:
Saturday, Jan 24: 2nd deposit due to reception site
Sunday, Jan 25: Surprise bday party... shhhhh.... ;)
Friday, Jan 30: Ricklet's 30th birthday!!!!!!! OMG!
Saturday, Feb 7: Tux fittings (I'm not going, but it's on my calendar ;) )
Friday, Feb 13: Bakery consultation (in Long Beach)
Monday, Feb 23: 2nd (and hopefully final) fitting!

Appts to make:
Church wedding coordinator: ???
Florist (personal flowers): ???
Engagement session: ???

Now I'm getting anxious again. Eee.